Twas the night before the night before

Taryn made ribbons:

I have some of her whole face, however, she would probably kill me if i posted them.


Gabe looked cute:

I am usually not a fan of noisy, battery-operated toys...but Gabe really like this gift from Oma and Grandpa Evans.

This is sideways Taryn modeling the dress Tierney made her. 

This was is because I love sleeping babies. 

And a video for the Grandparents:

We don't have enough of Liam, but he is still potty-training (my payback for expressing disapproval over kids who weren't trained around two), and thus runs barebutted at home-he can use the potty, he just won't pull down his pants do so- AND the light from the flash always makes him blink, so I can't get a decent picture from him. 

Interesting response for reasons to homeschool

I like this response as it seems schools are going back to the whole language with some phonics, too.

http://www.thepioneerwomansux.com/2011/02/giving-homeschooling-a-bad-name/

"Ironically, the fact that my mother was a school teacher for 30 years played into my decision to homeschool. I got to see how, over the years, the educational standards relaxed and deteriorated, leaving my mom very frustrated over the conflict between what she had always taught, and what the school board now deemed neccessary.

Example: In the olden days, kids were taught to read via phonics. That’s how I was taught. Then, at some point in California (my mom always said the latest education trends started in California) somebody got the idea that teaching reading via the “whole word recognition” concept was better. That was instituted and phonics got thrown out the window.

Years later, it was discovered that kids taught via whole word recognition were doing poorly on reading tests, while those kids still taught via phonics were doing much better. Phonics was suddenly in again.

Then, about ten years before my mom finally was able to retire, she was told to no longer teach spelling and grammar as separate subjects. (She was an English teacher—pardon me, Language Arts.) She asked, “How I am supposed to teach these kids to spell and use proper grammar?” They said, “They’ll learn while they practice writing. Don’t squelch their creativity by correcting their grammar and spelling in the meantime.” They took away the spelling and grammar textbooks…except my mom kept her teacher’s editions (which she paid for) and copied the lessons out of those and kept on teaching spelling and grammar.

Years later, I was teaching freshman composition at the university in my home town. After the first class, one of my students came up to me and said, “Um..is your mom’s name Ginny A____?” I looked at her, and said, “Don’t tell me…my mom was your English teacher in sixth grade.” She said, “Yeah. She was tough but fair.”

That student turned out to be one of my best I ever had. I never had to correct her spelling or her grammar."

But the reason I want to homeschool is to protect my kids from a) getting in trouble for normal things like talking, b) being invisible, c)watching other kids get in trouble all day. Caleb and Taryn both loved preschool and hated public schools. Sure they liked talking with other kids (Caleb a select friend or two), but they didn't like kids getting yelled at and kids misbehaving. I can't tell you how many times Taryn cried about the mean teachers (and she didn't get in trouble). Or how much abuse Caleb had at the hands of his fifth grade class mates (and the teacher said he was just too immature. Maybe he was, but is that reason to be subject to abuse). Now they've grown resigned to it; they don't want to not see their friends, but I wonder...

The Zoo!

Karl and his parents and Liam had fun at the zoo. Gabe and I chilled with the big kids at home.

Family Fun Snapshots

Liam is all about construction. Yesterday he got very excited when we talked about his going to college where he said he would study being a construction worker. I guess there is construction management and technology, right? Actually construction is just fine, but seasonal work is scary!:o). It's so funny to have a two year old who can talk so much. College would never have been a topic of conversation with my other kids. I wonder, though, what he thinks college actually is.

Now I wish I had made his bed first! Need curtain ideas....

I just love this smile.

And these eyes!

Decking the halls

Remember blue-eyed baby Liam?

Sideways...

Extravagance

I like nice things. I want nice things. I want people to know I have nice things.

This goes against most of the core values I claim to have, but hey, I am inundated with the same ads, tv shows (which are sort of ads for nice clothes and well-decorated homes), and magazines.

I want a Keurig. Never mind that they are over one hundred dollars, cost nearly 60 cents a cup from what I can tell, and only last a year or two from the reviews (and we drink a lot of coffee-ours would probably go sooner). They just look so cool. And doesn't everyone else have one? And wouldn't it be fun to set up a little coffee center at the table overlooking the backyard?

And I want a leather purse. I have seen some go for less than $100 but they don't have the fancy name. But I sub in schools like Kickapoo and Cherokee where even the girls have nicer purses than me. And I want one.  I know I could justify one that was decent quality and less than 100. But not a Coach bag or one of similar name. And I also know I could take care of the problem by just carrying a tote bag instead. But how would people know I am not trashy if I don't have a nice purse when shopping and just going out. Yeah. It's absurd.

And clothes. I can live with just one or two work outfits, although my black cardigan has a hole in the shoulder and my favorite silver glitter turtleneck just turned pinkish when I washed it with a new red tablecloth. :o(. But my shoes are cheap. Although a pair of tall black manmade boots can look pretty nice, even if not real leather. So what's my problem? I have sort of outgrown tshirts. I feel childish when I wear them for anything besides sleep and cleaning. Unless it's a nice tshirt, preferably with a little polo symbol on the chest.

But underlying all this is the knowledge that if I could just put a little away here and there, I would ultimately have a better life. Noone who comes over gives a darn about the name of my purse or the symbol on my shirt or even the brand of my coffee maker. But those little K-cup trees are so cute and cafeish. But ultimately, they are more waste and cost so much more. And you throw trash away with each cup of coffee. That's ridiculous. It reminds me of Brave New World, where having consumable games and toys was discussed briefly at the beginning. I never finished the book. It made me sad.

Remember when we used to run outside and play kickball with the neighbor kids? Taryn hasn't even met any neighbors.
But Taryn's a snob. She reminds me of myself at her age. Wanting money, to be respectable. Well, except Taryn is in great shape and if I were young, I would say she looks "hot". I never looked "hot". I was born frumpy. I wrote down and studied the clothing of girls who looked good. I planned imaginary wardrobes. This was before ebay. Before I knew how to find good stuff at yard sales and thrift stores. Before I realized even the mall has really good sales. At least she lives in today's world where it's possible to find good gently used "nice" brands. Although now, it's almost the expectation that one has them. Or maybe it was then. I remember how badly I wanted a pair of $20 Keds. And settling for $5 K-mart knockoffs.

Then there is Tierney, who could not begin to care less about brands. This makes her unfashionable, but if she just learned to distinguish quality, she'd be ultimately much wiser than her sister and me.


A shallow post. 

Gabriel pics

It's been near impossible to catch Gabe smiling for pics..until now.

Easy Dinner Night

Boneless, skinless chicken breast crockpotted on high, covered with a jar of spaghetti sauce for a few hours. When finished, I put a sprinkle of mozzarella on it. I would give it a 3 out of 5 for taste, but a 5 for easiness. The recipe suggested serving with spaghetti noodles or rice, but I made toasted garlic bread and a green leaf salad. Not too heavy.

Then I followed with a spoon (okay, okay two or three spoons) of peanut butter dipped in milk chocolate chips. Yummy.

Holiday Idea Links

I am trying to get one place to go for my holiday ideas for the kids...so here we go:

http://spoonful.com/holidays
This has links to Thankgiving and Christmas crafts, printables, games, and recipes


More Ideas

And More from Pinterest
I have to say I love the pigs in a blanket Christmas wreath. Funny.

Amazing Moms Ideas


More Pinterest


I swear these people put me to shame!

More Pinterest


Well, now I have a place to go for places to go! It's a little overwhelming for me, so if I just do two a week, I'll consider myself amazing.

Now which to do first?

I think the turkey hands are first, since I do have a two year old.

http://pounds4pennies.com/crafts/thanksgiving-art-crafts/

I did something Cuh-razy this year!

Besides having a fifth child, I mean. I printed out a shopping list and recipes for Thanksgiving dinner-five days prior to the event! Usually I just wait until the day before. Now if I can actually get to the store, I'll be set!

http://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/holidays/thanksgiving/back-basics-thanksgiving-shopping-list-10000001667610/index.html

Now I am a little concerned because some of the recipes only got 3 stars, but...they have to beat opening a can of green beans and throwing it in the microwave for a couple minutes.

Ah, The Sky is BLUE!

It's only 7:45, but the sky is so blue! The trees are golden green brown, and the day should be in the 60s. Welcome, November!

Yesterday I was thinking (a negative ugly thought) and my rebuttal thought to myself (someone has to put me in my place) reminded me that I have FIVE children. Five. Five. That's absurd.
When I was young, I fully intended to have six children (when I wasn't going to be a hermit writing in the mountains) and live a Little House on the Prairie existence. But the underlying part of  me was going to be a slick career woman in the "Big City" planning my two children perfectly and precisely.

What the heck happened? Will the real Jill stand up. I guess the real me was the mom one, but still it catches me off guard with a whack! Five children. Of course, three are nearly grown.  It's more like I have two different families. But man. I am having trouble integrating the idea of nearly a half dozen offspring into my mental picture of myself.

Do you know sometimes I want another? Isn't that absurd? We are completely broke, using student loans to supplement and I could ever think that.
I guess the desire for a baby never quite ends.
But now I have grandchildren to look forward to. Tierney is 18! I would never hint or push her into early parenthood. I truly hope she becomes self-sufficient before she has kids. But in five or six years, she could be graduated from college and able to support a small family decently. Then I'll be a grandma, maybe. Isn't that weird?

I love this day already. 

Little Bits of Home

Liam's roomI could not get these to look even!

Like any child, Liam likes stars, but he is such a construction truck lovin', stocky boy, it's hard to imagine him really embracing nerddom. Time will tell, I suppose. But..I have been looking for a place to put my old astronomy photos (I am quite proud of these as most hands on stuff eludes me), and this worked for me.

And for a touch of Romance in the livingroom:

Grrr. I don't know how to fix the sidewaysness

And because I love him:

As always a disclaimer. I should have washed his face. I should have cleaned up the background. Mom, as you can see, your screen has met a terrible end, due to Liam knocking it over repeatedly:o(.

Go me!

So impressed with myself. I am trying to limit computer time to one hour a day.Did great yesterday, although several times I almost automatically went to get on to type some useless info about my kids. Then I had a fever last night, so that helped, too. I don't know what I will do without being in my "spot", half turned to the computer, half turned to watch the kids, but surely change is good.
I didn't even get on this am until after nine!
Although Liam and I watched Stephen Fry's journey through the US, the first episode. Enjoyable. He got bored and started water towers with his tree blocks to show Gabe. Then he got his trucks and started logging. He turned to me, "I need a logging truck and a logging front end loader." Then he started to do something with the blocks and his toy barn. Who knows? Kids are funny.

He's developed a stutter which is a bit worrying, but usually they go away. If it hasn't let up in a few months, I'll take him to be checked to see if he needs speech services.

A calm rhythm

Things have relaxed here. Liam is over the acute jealousy and only acts out by occasionally taking the toy bar from Gabe. You know how fascinating those rattles can be...I know Tierney went through a latent period with Caleb, only to reemerge when Caleb started pulling himself to stand. Then she would knock him down. Maybe Liam won't go through that. I guess we still have several more months to worry about that.
Two years or in this case 27 months is very close in age.

Gabe is a happy baby. Frankly, although I spend a lot of time nursing him, he sleeps more than Liam so I don't feel like I get a chance to get to know him. He smiles a lot. He coos. He loves to stare at his balled-up fists.

Tierney is taking the ACT for the second time. She really wants to start at Missouri State rather than Ozark Technical College. Although the credits transfer fine, I understand. Not many people dream of growing and heading off to junior college. However, it turns out, it'll be a learning experience. I just hope she gets out with a degree and very minimal student loans, and I see jr college as a way to keep those student loans in check. But it isn't my choice.

It's hard to believe the little baby I brought home is making plans to move out next summer. I see so many things I could have done better and it's too late. I should have been stricter. I should have had higher expectations. But, what's done is done. I won't say I did my best, because that's a cop-out. I chose myself in college and let my kids skate by. I fed them. I clothed them. I made sure I had as much time with them as possible, but...it wasn't quality time.
We all threw plates of food together and ate all over the house. I did buy cute clothes I think. I was home, but usually my head was in a book while I stayed on my bed. I didn't demand good grades, although I did expect C's or higher. But C's aren't good. I didn't instill order and routine into their lives. I still struggle with maintaining a neat household. It may be laziness.
But. I wasn't a crackhead. I didn't bring random men home. I didn't beat them, or tear them down. So..I guess I did okay. They still like to talk to me. I think. Well, Caleb is so locked up in himself, and I don't know what to say to boys anyway. And Taryn is very private. So maybe somewhere I might have tread on sensitive nerves unknowingly. I am a stupid teaser. I should be more aware. But anyway, we are all imperfect beings, and I learned many moons ago not to beat oneself up.
Sometimes I just wonder how the child who went from Citizen of the Year two years in elementary is struggling to get into Missouri State. When did she get so quiet at school? Why doesn't she brush her hair?

Well, my kids love to read, and I totally give myself credit for that. Readers are much more interesting people,  with deep wells of knowledge. I wonder what percentage of my rather enormous student loans (honestly, I should have  phd or md with the amount of loans I have), went to Barnes and Noble. Gosh I love books. And clothes.
 If all of this seems repetitive from previous postings, it's because I go through the same emotional responses and thoughts repetitively. Who has time for something new, when the old must be polished and perfected and analyzed and truly deeply understood? That takes time.
Liam is using my curling iron as a chain saw to cut a cardboard box "log".

Enjoy the weekend.

A Day in the Life of Mom

6:30. Taryn knocked. Liam was awake.

Change diapers. Nurse baby.

Feed Liam.

Change Gabe again. 

Check Facebook/gmail/aol mail.

Sit out with karl. 

Explain to Liam we don't pee in kitchen trash.

Feed Gabe.

Change Gabe

Laundry.

Put dishes away. Wash dishes in sink. 

Field off texts from Tierney asking to come home so Liam can try on the pjs she made in class.

Take a job for Friday. 

Change Gabe

Play in Liam's room.

Feed Gabe

Sneak in a quick bath with Gabe in bouncer.

Put groceries Karl brought home away.

Take Liam outside for a picnic lunch.

Tuck Liam in.

Give Gabe a bottle.

Change Gabe.

Laundry.

Sit and chat with Karl.

Get text from Caleb about art project.

Go to art store for acrylics and brushes.

Feed Gabe.

Welcome kids home. 

Make dinner. Listen to 18 year old complain about dinner.
Explain again that we don't pee in the kitchen trash can.

Change Gabe.

Fix sink that someone (Jake?) messed up and was leaking.

Quick shower. 

Feed Gabe.

Take Taryn to cheer.

Feed Gabe.

Discuss Caleb's Christmas present with him.

Watch How i met your mother

Pick Taryn up.

Stop at store to pick up cat food.

Feed Gabe.

Change Gabe.

Watch baseball.

Help Taryn with Algebra while watching baseball and feeding Gabe.

Talk to Karl when he comes in for lunch (oops! I forgot his lunch).

Finish helping Taryn with Algebra. 

Admire Caleb's color wheel.

Watch Jon Stewart.

Quit early to type this. 

Realize that there is so much I don't remember now.

Listen to Gabe begin fussing again.

Goodbye!

Random pics

I am getting too many pics on facebook, so I thought I'd just share some here.

Sleepy boy...

Gabe and Granny

Wow!

Caleb is 16!

Liam trying to sneak himself some icing.

Gabe says "Ohhhhh"

Playing House

"I'm the mommy," Liam said as he came up to me. "You're the little boy."

He then proceeded to promise to buy me a tractor (when I asked if I could have a new toy), and give me several imaginary glasses of Mountain Dew (which I have NEVER given him). Then he made me some burritos and tacos (aka bread crusts left on the table).

How fun is that?

I don't love my kitchen.

Playing!

Gabe just discovered this morning if he concentrates really hard he can occasionally slap at the toy on the toy bar. At one point, he was smiling and cooing at the green rubber shape!

Liam has trapped Spitfire the calico cat in his bedroom and is attempting to make her eat goldfish crackers. I have discovered a weird pimply, painful bump on the pad of my pinkie finger. Wonder if something bit me during the night?

Going to be a fantastic Sunday!

Karl starts his new schedule tomorrow. He will be working either 4:15 or 4:45 pm until 1:15 am, five days a week. This will allow me to work 3 afternoons a week, if I feel the need. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

My mom wants to come watch them, and that's fine, but now I won't have to cancel work if she is sick or something. 

Busy Day

Liam slept away most of the morning, and the afternoon was so productive.

Oh by the way, I feel a little bad about ranting about Karl sleeping in earlier. I am still mad, but really this is a blog and blogs are supposed to be about the highlights, not the drudgery of life, right?

First, I bought some zucchini a the farmer's market last Saturday, and I figured it was time to use it. First, I got out my new-to-me "Dine on a Dime" cookbook. I chose to make a zucchini cake with buttercreme frosting. It was rather funny, because as I explained earlier, we live in an old house. Another issue with the house is sloping floors. Well, I noticed today this even affects our cakes!

Here is one layer of the prefrosted cake. It was really good, though. We also fried some of the zucchini up, and it was good!

Then, I decided to make a fall bunting for the fireplace using scrapbook paper. I make a very simple one layered bunting (you can add stickers and decorations and other layers, but I wanted quick and easy.
Here's the result. I'll be amazed if Liam doesn't tear it down within a day.

Now off for a walk!

Soft Gray Skies

Which has nothing to do with my post.

SO happy summer is over!

It's been busy around here. I am taking the week off work, which nearly kills me every time a job pops up, although I would rather be at home. I have been so grumpy. I hate...the insecurity of not being able to support myself. I hate when Karl sleeps late. I HATE when KARL SLEEPS late.

I have decided to let Liam's top hair grow out again.. The short, shorn look doesn't really flatter his soft rounded features. But that growing out stage will be awkward. I want to get his pics done, but not until his hair is decent again.  Liam, by the way, was up a great deal of the night, fell asleep on the couch and just now rolled off it. He isn't crying, though.

Living in an older house, there are all sorts of weird quirks. Well, there's the damp, smelly basement, which unfortunately blows air out into the house through the furnace. There's the cracking foundation. The cracks appearing in the walls. But there is also the fact that we are renting. I am not putting a lot of money into a house that isn't mine. We do some upkeep because we live here (like replacing the ceiling tiles in the basement bathroom), but none of us our handy, so our fix-it's don't work too well.
But the wall board that has been placed over the brick fireplace (the part above the mantel) was beginning to sag and pull away (I think it leaks around the chimney). We couldn't figure out what to do. Finally, I found a throw online that covers the area and hung it. I think it looks SO much better, although when I removed the photo frames to hang it, there was a brown recluse on the wall behind one. Those things really scare me. I just imagine one of the kids getting bit and disfigured and in pain.

Well, it's better anyway. Liam is asleep again. It was really rough last night. He wouldn't fall asleep. Then apparently it stormed last night, and he was crying. Tierney got in late from babysitting, and heard him and went and sat with him, but he never fell back asleep until about 8:30 am. I feel awful that he was crying for me and I didn't hear him. I guess I need to get a baby monitor. 

Enjoy this last week of good ole September. It's hard to believe, after such a relentless summer, that October is almost here!

Sigh

After nearly bouncing off the wall for two days with excitement, Caleb's "game" got canceled. Sigh. I wish he could catch a break sometime.

This is very typical Caleb luck. It's usually  his toys that are defective or break. His X-Box wouldn't work with our  HDTV (we didn't know until the warranty period was up because he used it with his tv first-which stopped working a couple months after he bought the x-box)). His plans get canceled. 

Blah. Well, if nothing else, he should be skilled at handling disappointment by adulthood. Hate when my kids are disappointed, though.

Ah Autumn

Love this time of year. And winter. And spring. And summer. It's all good, really.

Today I got dressed, made up, and even curled my hair early because I planned to go to the history conference at Doubletree Hotel with Karl. But then he said he didn't mind going alone if I didn't want to go (I didn't) so Tierney and I took the little boys to a yard sale where we found several cute items and then we went to the farmer's market.

At the yard sale we found two one piece outfits for Gabe-one is for Halloween and one is for Thanksgiving. We also purchased a hat with bat wings for him. Very cute. Liam picked out an engine for his Thomas set at the yard sale. Tierney found a Dr. Who poster and I bought a couple Halloween decorations.

The farmer's market was great. I am a sucker for anyone who raves on my kids, I just have to buy. If I ever have a store, I'll have to remember that.

Karl brought the Autumn decorations up (they are sitting on the porch so all the brown recluses in my imagination (maybe) can crawl away), and we went for a short walk. It's so freaking beautiful today!

One of those happy days where life is a pleasant snapshot of sunlit joy.


Caleb has been busy making plans with to play with airsoft guns with Jake and his friends. Apparently there is some place you can pay and play. Whatever. I am just glad he's getting out with other boys. And I hope Jake follows through. The equipment was pricey and Caleb would be so disappointed, too.


So Taryn informs me that a picture of our house on street view on Google shows the trash can overflowing with trash and the screen door (which is broke) is hanging wide open. Nice.

With a half day here, and a half day there

Here a half, there a half, everywhere a half half.

Yesterday my mom said she was ready to try babysitting while I worked. She is still in pain from the shingles, but the pain may be ongoing, and she isn't contagious anymore.

Well, there isn't school this Friday, so I guess that means I can try Monday afternoon.

I went ahead and scheduled a half day tomorrow afternoon (Karl's off), because I have a doctor's appt in the morning. But I am dreading it already. It's funny. All these jobs pop up and I am frustrated because I can't take them. Then when one comes up and I take it, I am frustrated because I have to go to work.

Silly. Sounds like a personal problem to me.

At least I can appreciate my time at home when I have to go to work. Really though, is it just negativity and pessimism plaguing at me? Grass is greener? I should be thrilled I can work parttime. Shouldn't that be the best of both worlds? I guess I need to focus on the fact that money will be going into my bank account. And that's nice.

And the song? Liam likes to sing Old McDonald now (well parts of it) so it is really stuck in my head. I thought I'd share with you! ;~)

Fingerpainting!

Liam wasn't in a Mighty Machines mood this morning, and Gabe was happily swinging away, so we decided to make sweetened condensed milk fingerpaints (we don't have any paintbrushes).

Here are our results!:

We practiced mixing red, yellow, and blue to get other colors...

Guess who did this one? 

And a pic of Gabe from the other day, just because...

(ever had so many kids you can't keep their names straight?)

Drink more water!

We hear all the time we should drink more water. My older kids said their dad buys a big tank of water and that makes it accessible. I don't see myself doing that, but I did find one thing that worked this summer. In the morning I would fill a pitcher with water and ice, and then add slices of lemon or cucumber and place it on the table. It was usually gone by mid-morning.

Also since the last few packages of carrots and the cucumber I have bought have gone bad. I have decided to take the few minutes to actually get them ready to eat. I peeled the skin (letting Liam "help" with the peeler) and then sliced them up into dip-able and easily eatable pieces. We'll see if they go faster this time. 

The Chiefs Suck- and Sibling Rivalry

The KC Chiefs just break my heart. Call me a fair-weather fan-I think I am done.

Pre-haircut

Post haircut (I am getting better and Liam was pretty still this time!)

Now onto my real topic. Sibling Rivalry. Last spring I was congratulating myself on having the best toddler in whole wide world. Yes, I had him. He was sweet, smart, could talk like a big boy and was potty training well.

Now, he slaps an innocent baby, deliberately pees on the floor or couch when he is scolded, and his development seems to be stuck.

Let's dissect this. The hitting. I did some reading and I "know" this is very common. But it's so frustrating. When the boy you love so much hits the helpless other boy you are getting to know, it's not only infuriating, it's confusing. Mama bear instincts are raised, but you can't just write off the older one because you know, he's yours, too. It's so frustrating. Add to that an aching back that makes getting up and down, and picking baby up painful, and...it's been a sad day.

The peeing. Oh sigh. I guess that's the regression they always talk about. Why did I think my angel would not  fall prey to psychology's darker side?

The development. I feel like Liam isn't making progress on his talking. I am probably wrong. He is likely picking up new vocabulary all the time. I just don't see it.

I guess I just hate being another average mom, dealing with normal average problems. I am frustrated that this sibling rivalry will make my son just another average kid instead of the wonderous kid he could have been. I am frustrated that I care. I should be above such worries.
I will probably delete this post. I don't like pimping out my feelings for the entertainment of others. I like expressing myself, but then I feel angry. Who is reading? Besides my relatives? Is it fun for my readers to read about my problems?

Yeah, the back ache is really making me a little grumpy.
Liam is at my mom's. and I am so mad that I can't give him the attention I want him to have. The baby is starting to stir, and somehow I have to bend down and PICK HIM UP. And this hurts so much right now.
And I decide I am going to be cool. But then Liam slaps the baby and I yell. Then I am mad at myself for yelling. But I have to react. I can't just ignore it.

It will get better. And then Gabe will learn to stand up and it will start all over again. If the Tierney/Caleb interactions are any indicator of what will happen.

Oh if only patience could be refilled with a bucket and shovel. Running a little low? Just grab the little shovel and spoon some more in. That's what I need.

Gosh the Chiefs disappoint.

Falling into a rhythm

Well, not a strong rhythm, but a relaxed one. We wake up. I get on the computer until 8:30 or so. It isn't strict computer time as I am making breakfast and caring for Liam and baby. Now, 1.5 hours in the morning on the computer IS a lot. I have no excuses other than I love reading about stuff.

Liam doesn't always nap now, so after lunch I have instituted a "quiet time". Basically I go through the motions of tucking him in, but before I shut the door, I tell him he doesn't have to sleep and can play if he wants. This helps, because I really like the 7pm to 7am sleeping time for him, but I still need a break during the day. After an hour or so I open the door. If he is asleep. I try to wake him, but sometimes he sleeps a bit longer. Half the time he is still awake.

The baby doesn't have a set pattern. He is a very sweet baby. He has a lot more body control than Liam did at his age. He just seems more wiry and stronger. Liam was always big and clunky and had trouble building the neck muscles to lift that head.

I love this softly falling rain. Love love love it! I want to go to Cider days or whatever it is down on Walnut street, but I am not sure I want to brave the rain. Why does it always rain on Cider days? We went there a few years ago when I was pregnant with Liam. I just walked in a daze, slightly nauseated. Then we went home and ordered quikdine sushi. Ah those quiet weekends when the older kids were at their dad's and the younger ones had yet to emerge.

I hear Gabe grunting. His eyes are closed, but he will likely wake soon.

Caleb played for an hour, and then asked to watch "Mighty Machines". It's a pretty cool show for little boys. This episode they are visiting a sawmill and it shows all the machinery used. Liam LOVES the big machine trucks. He is a boy's boy. Except when he sneaks into his sister's room and states, "I need to put my makeup on."

Caleb's been depressed again. I made an appointment with the younger boys pediatrician. I don't know if meds would help, but I can't afford therapy, and can't just stand back and watch him be miserable. I wish he would listen to some of the advice we give him regarding how to talk to people. Even with family, he is inappropriate. He will walk into the room and instead of saying, "Hi, what's up?" he will say, "You all should just go away." Well, I am not a social queen, but I know that isn't a great way to connect to people. Sigh.
The strange thing, he thinks he is dumb, but when I do his work with him, he is quite capable. I don't understand where he got this idea from. He may not LIKE doing work, but he is definitely capable in his schoolwork. He is struggling in ART class. He says he doesn't know why, but in reality, he just isn't telling me. I mean he is either doing the work or he isn't. If he is doing it "wrong" then surely he is getting feedback.  I guess I could ask the teacher. I am so afraid of being one of those pushy, reactive parents, that I probably don't get involved enough. I still feel insecure with teachers. They treat me like I am .... uneducated and lowerclass. I can't help that my older kids don't care about appearances. Maybe I should have forced the issue but I just wanted to let them be who they wanted to be. Is that wrong? What else are they basing this on. That they are getting free lunch? Or maybe this is just my own imagination, because I hate when people act like they know more than me? In regards to how my kids stack up with other, they probably do. I mean they can easily compare them with the other students. BUT...when Taryn was in 5th grade and I was teaching, her teacher asked the kids what their parents did. Taryn said I was a teacher, and she insists her teacher argued with her that I wasn't. I guess that makes me feel bad.

Anyway, getting off subject..I don't know what the subject was. I am enjoying being home. You know with student loans supplementing Karl's income, it isn't half bad. If only he made 10K more. Then we'd feel pretty comfortable. But what could he do? He doesn't like sales. He folds under high stress. Hmmm.

Enjoy this fantastic, gray morning. We deserve the delight after this killer summer.

Love,

Jill

Could it be? (A note on work plans)

A moment to type?

Liam is glued to another Bob the Builder episode. He is all about the heavy machinery. Gabe WAS sleeping, although now I hear him grunting and stirring a bit.

The past two weeks have been easy and hard. Easy on me. I feel great and like I never had a baby, except (TMI ALERT!!!!) for the lovely perky, milk-filled (and leaking) breasts. Wish they'd stay this firm!

ANYWAY, the hard part. Mainly the baby wanting to be held all the time (those silly newborns), and Liam not leaving the baby alone. He pushes the swing, tries to pick the baby up, pees all over the floor, screams loudly when I try to take him to the store (like screaming to hear his voice, not cry-screaming), occasionally slaps the baby, tries to lay his big heavy head on the baby like he's a pillow, and generally wears me out. I feel badly about this because he is only 28 months, he hardly ever gets outside now, and I can't give him the attention I want to give him. I lost my temper last week, and told him I was going to find a school for him, to which he perked up and said, "I am going to school?" And today when the kids got in the car to leave for school, he again asked, "Can I go to preschool?"
I am mad that I said it, I am upset that he wants to go to school. Part of me thinks two or three mornings a week isn't a big deal, and part of me knows that it would be money I can't afford, and I worry. I worry the other kids won't like him as much as we do. I worry the teachers won't be that interested in my little "ginger" as the girls call him. I worry that two is just too young to put out into the hard world, especially since he has taken this downturn in the pottytraining.

I need to start working. I guess I could just not work, with Karl's student loan money coming in at some point. But, I will lose my place as a Springfield sub, and they have waiting lists for positions, and I don't like not having money coming into my bank. My mom plans to watch the boys on Mondays and Fridays, and I would pay her $20 a day. But right now, I think all day is just too much. It's hard on me sometimes. And I don't think I can go all day without nursing, yet. Ouch! A half day will be hard enough.

So, I guess I will start with half-days. I know once I am at work I will forget about the boys. A classroom full of responsibility tends to be all-consuming. But I still worry.

I am going to try a half day on Wednesday. I would prefer morning to get it over with, but I afternoon would be easier on Karl (since Liam would nap). Then if my mom is up to it, I will try a half day on Friday if I can find one and if it's worth it for $10 for her. If Karl has to leave at 1:15 or 1:30, I guess she would only have to watch them for a couple hours (the big kids get home by 3:30) and if Liam is sleeping for a big chunk of that it won't be so bad.

I could have went to work fulltime, physically at this point, but I tend to forget about the emotional part. It's hard!

As far as the kids themselves. I am, of course, completely in love with Liam. He's a pain at times, but those big blue eyes, and that chubby face just steal my heart. I think he is overweight, but Karl doesn't see it. I think we are feeding him like he's bigger and has more choices. I need to limit the snacking and sugar. That's really hard in a house with three teenagers.

Gabe is very, very sweet. So far he just wants to be held and nursed. We fought a nasty case of thrush last week (acidophilus (spell?) capsules by mouth for me and powder spread into Gabe's mouth and a vinegar/water rinse for me to clean with after feedings). Now he just has a diaper rash, which may be related,  hard to know for sure. BUT so far, Gabe cries whenever we go in the car, which is a bit frustrating. He sleeps fairly well at night. Okay, he's sleeping with me. He will not sleep in his cradle, so I cradle his head on my arm, so he can eat and I get a decent amount of sleep. His doctor would not approve, but I am afraid if i try to sit up and feed him overnight, I will fall asleep and drop him. Lesser of two evils, I suppose. And the research is conflicting. Some research has shown that kids who sleep with their moms are less likely to die because the mom can respond to their needs more quickly. But he's breastfed and I don't smoke, and he seems healthy. As long as I don't take up heavy drinking, it should be fine.

Well, Gabe is definitely stirring now.

Have a good one!

I love anything Nautical!

Fashion...Decor...Anything that reminds me of the New England sea...Nantucket...stripes...Maine...Moby Dick...Ahab's Wife...I want to sail...I want a yacht....




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So   when I win the big powerball, if you can't find me in Manhattan, search for me here...


I'm Scuppers the Sailor Dog--
I can sail in a gale
right over a whale
under full sail 
in a fog.