Seriously. I am so frustrated. So I worked today. It was not an easy day. It was at a rather tough middle school, and I felt like the wicked witch of the West, although, I know in some schools you just have to be tough. But then I did something absurd. I came home and applied for about 6 jobs I am qualified in with SPS. Granted, I have yet to get a school interview (I did have the secondary screening interview), but still. What if they call me for an interview. Do I go?
This morning, greatly influenced by the neat well-decorated classroom I was subbing in, I talked to Karl on the phone and said I thought I wanted to teach full-time next year. He was fine with that, and later said he talked to his manager who said he probably could work from 5pm to 12 pm Monday through Friday, and then pick up 6 or 7 hours on the weekend to make it fulltime. Karl also said he would forgo college.
And that just made me think, "Woah!"
I don't want him to forgo college (although I am questioning his desire to go). I don't know what to do. Yes, I could work fulltime, if Karl didn't have to rush off to work so early in the afternoon. But do I want to?
I just wish I could find a parttime teaching job. A couple years ago, they used to come up, but now they are really hard to find. I know I can always sub, but really, parttime teaching would pay more than subbing and I'd feel more professional.
Sigh.
How can I leave a newborn?
Then I thought about getting daycare a few days a week on the days Karl would have classes. While I think Liam would enjoy a daycare center, what about a baby. Can I even afford center care for a new baby? I looked at Craigslist and it made me sick. Leave a new baby with a total stranger in their house alone? Only if I were very, very desperate.
Why can't I enjoy this opportunity to spend more time at home?
I am scared if I wait until this baby is two, I will be 41 and noone will hire me.
I hate having all this education and "wasting" it.
But then I think of a cuddly new baby, and I think surely, I can do this another year or two. Why is this so hard?
Heart or head? Heart says, take care of the darned baby. Head says build a good retirement pension now.
Sigh.
And what do I do if they call? Say I found something else, or have decided to stay at my current job. Go ahead and interview for the experience.
Maybe no one will ever call. That's my usual experience with applying for jobs. Maybe that's why it's so scary? After all, they can get those childless 20-somethings to work a lot longer hours than I'll work. Why would they want someone older with more responsibilities?
I guess I hate feeling weak and powerless.
I am not really looking for advice, please don't give me any (I usually just feel stressed into making the people who gave me advice happy) , just wanted to whine a little. I mean, many people don't really have a choice, do they?
This morning, greatly influenced by the neat well-decorated classroom I was subbing in, I talked to Karl on the phone and said I thought I wanted to teach full-time next year. He was fine with that, and later said he talked to his manager who said he probably could work from 5pm to 12 pm Monday through Friday, and then pick up 6 or 7 hours on the weekend to make it fulltime. Karl also said he would forgo college.
And that just made me think, "Woah!"
I don't want him to forgo college (although I am questioning his desire to go). I don't know what to do. Yes, I could work fulltime, if Karl didn't have to rush off to work so early in the afternoon. But do I want to?
I just wish I could find a parttime teaching job. A couple years ago, they used to come up, but now they are really hard to find. I know I can always sub, but really, parttime teaching would pay more than subbing and I'd feel more professional.
Sigh.
How can I leave a newborn?
Then I thought about getting daycare a few days a week on the days Karl would have classes. While I think Liam would enjoy a daycare center, what about a baby. Can I even afford center care for a new baby? I looked at Craigslist and it made me sick. Leave a new baby with a total stranger in their house alone? Only if I were very, very desperate.
Why can't I enjoy this opportunity to spend more time at home?
I am scared if I wait until this baby is two, I will be 41 and noone will hire me.
I hate having all this education and "wasting" it.
But then I think of a cuddly new baby, and I think surely, I can do this another year or two. Why is this so hard?
Heart or head? Heart says, take care of the darned baby. Head says build a good retirement pension now.
Sigh.
And what do I do if they call? Say I found something else, or have decided to stay at my current job. Go ahead and interview for the experience.
Maybe no one will ever call. That's my usual experience with applying for jobs. Maybe that's why it's so scary? After all, they can get those childless 20-somethings to work a lot longer hours than I'll work. Why would they want someone older with more responsibilities?
I guess I hate feeling weak and powerless.
I am not really looking for advice, please don't give me any (I usually just feel stressed into making the people who gave me advice happy) , just wanted to whine a little. I mean, many people don't really have a choice, do they?
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