So much to say, so much to say

Not really. I don't have much of anything to say. My life consists of the kids and TV. I did start reading a new book today on a school in NYC (I think) that doesn't allow any type of ADHD medicines and allows students to self-manage and self-direct their learning (and they get lots of gross motor and free play time). It's pretty interesting. I personally like the traditional classroom atmosphere, but I can see where some kids would really love this type of environment, particularly those not well-suited for the traditional classroom.

Appointment today. Well, she was running late as she always is on Friday, so she was in a big hurry. She said she thought the ultrasound overestimated the size and I agreed ( my belly is much smaller than previous times I have been pregnant). She said last week I was 2cm, 50% effaced and still posterior (meaning my cervix of course). Then she said it was about the same this week. She started to leave..

"Is the baby still breech?' I asked.

"Was it?" Tone of surprise. " What did the ultrasound say?"

"They didn't say in the ultrasound, but you said it was."
She reached down and pressed into my abdomen.
"No, it's head down now."

I muttered something about thinking the head was pressing into my hip instead of my cervix at times, and she said that was quite possible since it was still floating high (I may have weeks left to go).

But now I am totally confused. I woke up absolutely CERTAIN the round "bouncing" ball at the top my chest was a head. I KNOW it wasn't the butt. But I guess it was a foot or knee or something. I feel bad about all the poking and pushing to try and get the baby head down. I really hope it doesn't get a deformed face from all the prodding.

I am sure when she felt my cervix, she felt the head or she would have said something. But, honestly, I am baffled. Did I worry all week for nothing?

When is this baby going to come? I should hold off for one more week before trying "stuff" (cohosh isn't working), like castor oil, but the anxiety is getting to me. 

Too hot!!

I woke up sweating several times, underneath hair damp. I don't want to turn the AC any lower than 74 since our bill was almost $300 this past month, so I am going to have to deal with it. Feel slightly nauseated, but I know I just didn't get enough sleep. Baby is definitely in a different position this morning. I can't say for sure  he is butt up, but it's definitely a butt or back high in my abdomen.
And I am getting some higher kicks again. Let's hope he keeps this up. The expense and recovery of surgery is not ideal. It's frustrating though, because if I were to go into labor prior to my next appt. I will have to go get checked to make sure he is head down very early in labor. If it were a weekday and they could fit me into an appt. great, but if I had to go to L and D to do that, what a pain! I know babies can be born breech, but have you all seen Karl's head? It's not something I would want to attempt. It's likely I won't though. I won't be 38 weeks by the doctor's timetable until Wednesday, and by the real one until next Saturday. My appt. is next Friday. She said I was only 2 cm, thick (which makes no sense as she said I was 70% last week, unless she meant I have 70% to go), and of course the baby was still floating way high. She really shoved and prodded her fingers up there trying to find the head. It wasn't pleasant.

Took the week off of Liam's "schoolwork" because I forgot to request library books. I have several waiting for me now. I'll have to pick them up. Our next week is Kittens and C and 3. I haven't been reviewing like I should either, but geez. I am tired, he is only two. It's not a major deal.

I really need to pick up some food. Ooh! I wonder if we have lemonade? We do!
Stirred and iced now!

Well, crap!

Ultrasound this am estimated the baby at 7'15". Not bad. But, then the doctor said the baby had flipped over. I am so annoyed. And I don't entirely believe her. Why didn't they say anything about that at the ultrasound that was only an hour earlier?

Well, she said they could try and turn it at 39 weeks. I may have to have a homebirth just to avoid a cesarean! So ticked.

Oh, the mornings!

Mornings are the hardest part of the day. Early morning and between 9 and 11 in the morning. Then I am soooo tired. Even though I have been sleeping rather okay for me. I found that staying up until almost 11 has been helping me sleep deeper. But it gets so hot around two am and just gets hotter and hotter until I get out of bed in the morning.

Right now I am sitting here without pants because I am freaking hot! But everyone here sleeps in, anyway, so  there shouldn't be any embarrassing encounters.


Then I drag myself out of bed (and it's really hard in the morning), after laying there wishing I had slept another hour, and to the computer because I don't know what else to do at 5:30 a.m.


So here I am. 
Hot, getting ready for my first sip of coffee (it even takes me a while to get the energy to make coffee).
I neglected to put the dishes in the dishwasher last night, so I woke up to a sink and counter full of dirty dishes. Teenagers eat constantly. It's super annoying. I guess that's just one of the annoyances which makes it easier to "let go" when it is time for them to leave the nest. Oh, but I'll miss it, won't I?

It only really irritates me when they are almost 18 and won't look for a job. It makes me VERY worried about their future. Because after graduation said 18 year old may get room and board if they are making adequate collegiate progress, but everything else is their own responsibility. And there is no freaking way they would be able to live on 18 year old's boyfriends income. And that is not a good way to start life, anyway. But any mention of this is met with, "Mom, quit nagging me!" The situation makes me sad. Am I being unreasonable?

Taryn has a boyfriend. Her sister (wrongly) spied on her cell phone and discovered this. No wonder she's been in such a good mood the past week. She's been sitting on my lap and huggy, and good grief, I guess she is as in love as a 13 year old can be. Of course, they don't actually see each other since it's summer and he's from school.
We will not mention this to her.  Don't know why it's such a big secret, though. I guess it embarrasses her. Eventually she will want to go on dates, and she'll have to be more open about it.

Ultrasound and dr. appt. today. I still have a slight fear of Down's Syndrome, since I didn't have an amniocentesis. I'll be nearly 39 when it is born, which makes my risk 1 in 135 or so. That's still fairly good odds, but it's hard not to worry a bit. Slightly more than 1 in 100 will have some sort of chromosomal abnormality at my age. But...I guess what is to be will be. I hope it's healthy. It would just be so heartbreaking to have a child face such challenges.

I think I have picked out a first name. I have to run it by Karl. It's not my favorite, but I like it, and doesn't have such a strong yes or no reaction as Oliver or Jude would.
Did I mention that every single name on my "short list" has been given to someone on my July pregnancy board? All these names I thought were unusual like Oliver, Jude, Asher, etc. have been given to recent babies. Even the one I think I have settled on has been given to one or two. And this is just babies whose moms frequent this particular list. Ah, that good ole collective unconscious.

Well. Let's hope the ultrasound goes well. They are just checking growth, it's probably not even necessary, since he isn't measuring big, but who says no to a chance to see the baby? Then my OB will probably stick her hand up in me, give me news about dilation (which makes you excited but really means nothing), and send me on my way. I assume. I'll know soon enough.
Now that it's too late to find a job, it doesn't matter when the baby comes. We really need to get Caleb's room done! But I just don't want to do anything physical other than taking walks. I wish Karl and Caleb would get their stronger male butts down there and do something. I could ask Caleb's dad to help, but Karl keeps saying he wants to punch him for not paying child support, so I don't think that would be the best idea.


Absolutely nothing going on. Except I am resisting the urge to pepper my writing with profanity. I don't know why. I am not mad or anything. I just want to start cussing.

Darn it.

Really!

If I read one more thing about people saying their body just refused to go into labor on it's own, I am going to scream. I mean, come on! Use your brains people. Do we hear about people all over the world that are just pregnant FOREVER?!


Silly.

Saturday and lovely

There are clouds to the west, so it looks almost cool from inside my air-conditioned castle. I am being bad mom and letting Liam have hot dogs for breakfast. Tired. Eh, what's a little colon cancer later in life?

Karl wasn't thrilled about the kids being here all weekend, but he was much cooler about it than I thought he'd be. He knows they can't sleep upstairs in a room without AC AND the kids say they are hoarders and the house isn't really decent (I don't go in).

So anyway. I am feeling calm lately. Extremely bored, Taryn comes by it naturally, but calm.

Slacked a bit on Liam's school work. We never colored his square "green" this week, but he KNOWS green, it's his favorite color, and we never got around to doing number "2". I guess I will do it with him today.

Plus he just isn't that into the jungle theme of the week. Wonder what next week will be? I need to get some library books to go with it. Guess I will do that now!

Lovely

The  kids aren't going to their dad's this weekend. I really look forward to my weekends "alone". But his internet and cable are out and apparently they just have window airs downstairs and they don't work well. I said it was fine, but...Karl is going to whine all weekend. He planned to write his research paper and he already really resents being the one to support the kids since I am not getting child support. Sigh. And we are out of any kind of kid-friendly snack food.

Going to be fun.

Went to the doctors. Baby is still measuring average-sized, which now has me worried as to why. We just don't have average sized babies in my family. Is there something wrong with it? I guess we'll know soon enough.
Dilated 1 cm and 70% effaced. Which means nothing. I have been dilated three for weeks before.

I hear Liam stirring from his nap, guess I'll go get him up.

Gosh. So another weekend of watching Tierney not look for a job (17 is too old to do nothing in my opinion), Taryn complain about boredom (I understand that one!, but she should challenge herself to do something creative OR read books outside her typical genre or something), and Caleb begging for Mountain Dew. Sigh. I guess I could be a little more positive. Maybe we will play some fun games or rent a cool movie or something.

And darn it, I had planned on getting a direct application of prostaglandins this weekend to encourage dilation! Can't really do that during the day with a full house.

If you are a nerd like me...birth size, gestation, and IQ

Here are some fun links on birth size and IQ and gestation length and IQ to read.

I am trying to hold off on wish wish wishing for this baby to get here.

These are also interesting because most studies of pregnancy length have suggested that true gestation time is more than 40 weeks. In a first time mom it is over 41 weeks, and in subsequent births it is around or just under 41 weeks.

http://www.vosizneias.com/109155/2012/07/02/chicago-kids-born-even-a-little-early-have-lower-school-scores

http://www.mindfully.org/Health/Birth-Weight-IQ-Study.htm

(3500 grams is about 7 pounds 11 oz)

http://news.msu.edu/story/8630/

http://www.myhealthnewsdaily.com/561-late-preterm-babies-cognitive-emotional-problems.html


The risk is small and not huge, so if I were to go into labor now (around 36 weeks), chances are my baby would be just fine, but...I think I will try and hold off the castor oil for a couple more weeks-as tempting as it is!!!
The real problem is I am a teacher, and I want to go back to work, but if this baby isn't born by the 15th, I don't see how I can go find a job and go to work this year. I can't afford to substitute and pay daycare for two kids. But...one more year is worth it for my baby to have the best start. I will just keep telling myself that!

Aww, Precious

Yesterday, Liam was messing with the baby swing in the livingroom. Tierney and Taryn were telling him to leave it alone. At one point, they (meanly, I think) told him he broke to get him to leave it alone. He came running to my room crying and said, "I broke the baby's swing." It was so precious. Of course, it wasn't broken, and I told his sisters to be nice. I am glad he cares, though.

Baby Schtuff

Even though money is tight, I did buy a new diaper cover today, and another dozen cloth diapers. We should be all set, diapering-wise! I will probably add to this as I can, since he will outgrow the infant sized diapers and the more we have the less laundry, but I have what I need for now.


Fascinating, huh?

Last Night

The rain came down. At first, lightly. Karl and I finished watching Proof (again, I like that movie, makes me wish I were smarter), then we stepped out into the raindrops. They were far and few between and then..stopped. Suddenly ten minutes later it was raining! Rain and lightning and thunder. It was at least 10:30 and the kids ran out barefoot, racing around two blocks. They came back smiling and dripping and wet and alive.
And Karl and I slept with the sound of rain of the roof. Lovely.




No fresh veggies this year. Not free anyway. Karl's parents' garden was killed by the drought and the deer.
Usually they have a large, substantial harvest, but I guess Willow Springs had received even less rain than Springfield. They have only had to mow twice this year.

Karl's parents gave us a new baby swing. I am sure we will put it to use. Tierney put it together right away (she loves to do that kind of stuff-I wish she knew what to say at job interviews because she can really work, and has a surprising amount of patience when working with her hands). She also made fried pickles last night, which were really good, but the grease was a bit much. Probably she should make them in smaller batches so we are left wanting more instead of having too much and drowning in grease. She is an ambitious cook. She isn't afraid to tackle long or complicated recipes. I like recipes with short ingredient lists and prep time. She jumps right in to tough ones. I guess fried pickles are not super hard, but I hate frying.

Liam and I are starting his "Jungle" theme school work today. I think last week was a success, although, when asked he did call the A on the board a C. Oh well, there's time. The letters he usually recognizes are Q and Y and O. But he seems to like doing it, and it only take a few minutes a day. Aside from recognizing the letters and numbers,  he knows most of the stuff we do (colors and shapes), but anyway. It give ME something to do.

As much as I hate money issues, I have to say it's nice when Monday rolls around and I don't have to rush off anywhere. It's nice to be home.